 |
| Seriously. | |
On the Yoshino River, to be exact. I think this post was supposed to be about Sports Day, which was charming, and the Japanese school system which, I can't even, but I'm still not clear on whether I can post photos of students on this blog and students are annoyingly hard to avoid at schools. Please stay tuned. In any case, following two weeks of solid, cold-sweat, battery-acid sickness and misery, I got a chance to chill out and be only mildly and sporadically sad! For this I thank my fellow Awaji Island JETs, especially the impossibly sweet and gorgeous Ms. Wendy Yu, who organized a trip for six of us after the larger prefectural JET trip filled up. Although I so far mostly detest where I live and what I do, I feel hugely lucky to have fallen in with such a friendly, varied, and sane(ish) grab bag of adventurers.
 |
| Note the "ish." Hi, Ryan (right, bringin' the fun in). |
After a good half-day of driving for me - counting bakery detour, gelato detour, small getting-lost detour, and the worst cup of iced coffee ever squeezed from a sad embittered bean - we arrived in Central Shikoku. The landscape is drastically different from Awaji Island, or anyway
more: more vertical, more green, the forest even denser, darker, and mossier.
 |
| The gelato detour was worth it. Cute interior, and berets! Because when I think ice cream, I think wooly berets! |
 |
| View from our guesthouse. |
We were trying to figure out what these mountains reminded us of. They were alpine-steep, round-topped and cloud-snagging like the Smokies, with tree cover somewhere between the New Mexico Rockies, Nordic mixed evergreen-deciduous woods, and jungley Taiwan...we finally decided that they looked like Shikoku mountains. Green and purty and unabashedly mountainous. Our guesthouse perched on a slope far above the river, a funky old farmhouse with beams smoke-blackened by the traditional indoor firepit. We barbecued criminal amounts of food and encountered nature in the form of tiny limes and chestnuts, a praying mantis, and a huge
mukade (Japan's dreaded poisonous giant centipede) which the boys enjoyed cremating with a blowtorch.
 |
| The pleasantly rustic facilities. |
 |
| Nice, individual futons. Ryan never did get his warmth pile. |
Have I ever mentioned that, when I was a Girl Scout, our troop leader skipped town with every cent of the cookie money that was supposed to take us all to Colorado for white-water rafting? I think that really happened. Gentry was an interesting town. So this trip was not only a fun outing but the
Fulfillment of a Dream Long Denied. (Okay: I have actually achieved rafting once before, in the Canadian Rockies, but it was veeery gentle. I reminded Grant about it. G: Really? Me: Yeah, remember that picture that used to be on our desk? G: Oh. Oh! Yeah, we did do that. I wonder where that picture is? So obviously, a thrilling adventure.) This trip was much better because 1) it actually happened 2) legitimate slight possibility of death 3) bagel sandwich lunch 4,5,6) BAGEL SANDWICH LUNCH 7) jumping off huge tall rocks. The company we used, Happy Raft, was fantastic: boho, warmly hospitable, competent, and did I mention the bagels. The fresh-baked bagels (Japan lacks for bagels).
Also the name provided some justification for my waking everyone up at seven a.m., after a boozy night, with a hearty, "Rise and shiiiine, Happy Rafters!!!" The sadist in me was pleased.
The trip itself is hard to describe. Eating facefuls of spume (heh heh, spume), countless waterfalls tumbling down dark gouges in the vertical slabs of green, trailing my hand in cool blue-green water. Grey, green, blue.
 |
| Shit gets real. |
These rapids are no joke, though. We didn't get to take cameras with us (though they brought mine to the lunch spot), nor would they have survived the trip, but I will post some of Happy Raft's pictures as soon as I receive them. I'm sure I made a variety of highly entertaining faces. My mental state at the moment sort of precludes heart-racing thrills or deep enjoyment, but I definitely had a nice and relaxing time. Afterwards for some reason we felt the need to document the moment, purikura style, sunkissed cheeks and ruffled hair and all.
 |
| That's Ryan eating Wendy's head, Anna, and me, with Minatsu and Cain below. |
 |
| If I could wear these ears around in real life I totally would. |
Then there was Italian food, obviously. Quite a ride.
As with your other entries, I greatly enjoyed reading this entry about your new life in Japan. It simultaneously sounds amazing and also reminds me of some of the hellish feelings I have lived with during my 2 years out here in the desert. You asked me once before what made me lose my ability (momentarily) to read poetry. Well, that would be my mental state. I've struggled a great deal since I moved. It's been a very difficult journey (including one hospitalization) and being on and off medications and in and out of therapies. The night I read your first blog entry was the first time I'd gone to a group therapy session and there were poems being read. It was ultimately a good experience, but I just couldn't bring myself to read any more poetry that day. Too emotive. I know what kind of a struggle it is to be somewhere new and feel completely and utterly out of place. I still have yet to really make friends here too. I am not trying to turn this into a whole thing about me. You get what I mean, I'm just trying to say that I relate to how you are feeling (although, I understand I can't truly relate to your feeling as you are on the other side of the world and if I really wanted to , I could hop a plane and be back in Arkansas after a few hours). It's tough. I live every day simultaneously loving and hating where I'm at. I've been told it takes 2 years to get acclimated somewhere. I'm at the 2 year mark and still unsure... I'm sure it would be the same in your situation. All that being said, it does look like you went somewhere incredibly beautiful and had a wonderful time with some quality humans and that is a wonderful, wonderful thing, no matter where you are on the globe.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for this. I knew you weren't always overjoyed with the liberal paradise that is Arizona, but I wasn't aware of the extent of your troubles. You have my profound sympathies. I too went through some really awful times over the past couple of years, and haven't really been able to talk to people about it. That's mostly down to my natural reticence/sneaky bastardness, but I've also sometimes (and maybe unfairly) doubted the capacity of even loving and intelligent people to deal with depression as a disease and not a cop-out or failure of moral fiber. I have had bad luck so far in my half-hearted attempts to seek help, but for a while I was afraid that hospitalization was inevitable and it was so, so very scary. I should have more faith in people, though; they constantly surprise me with flowerings of kindness, like yours in sharing your struggles. Please write me anytime you need to talk. I totally believe that any new (yeah, new, even after one or two or ten years) place can feel as alienating as another planet, or even as Japan. ;)
Delete"...liberal paradise that is Arizona.." Oh man, we could have a fun conversation about that one. You already read Jezebel, however, so I'll spare you at the moment. I just thought I'd jump back in and comment about your sporadic attempts at seeking help. I know exactly what you mean about the chasm that exists between those of us that suffer with something beyond merely the doldrums and people just having a bad day because they got cut off in traffic. I thought I might comment on the hospitalization bit. It's at once the scariest thing in the world (and how I imagine it would be to be sent to prison as well), and yet, also not nearly as dramatic as Hollywood would have you believe. I'm sure my experience differs very greatly from some others, but when I look back on it, it's not necessarily something I would care to repeat, but I'm also grateful that facilities do exist when you are in your darkest hour and your mind is your own enemy, and if I had to go back, if I truly needed it, I would. In fact, I was wishing I had somewhere to go not that long ago, to be honest with you. I actually have what is known as Borderline Personality Disorder and it's notoriously difficult to treat, both therapeutically and medicinally, so, to be honest, it was merely a band aid at that moment. It kept me, at that moment, from becoming a suicide statistic. Jolting for me to reveal, I'm sure, but I think more people should be honest about this sort of thing. It's only occurred to me in the last few months to be open about it. I have nothing to be ashamed of, despite what society would have me feel. It was a very tough time and that was what I had to do to get through it. I'm learning skills to help cope with it, but I'm also without insurance at the moment, so any form of treatment is out of the question. That is, aside from the therapy group I mentioned to you before. That's run on a donation basis by a local Franciscan friar community and is a blessing to me (when I can actually make it). I realize I'm getting a little verbose here, so I'll cut right to the chase. I would like to offer my sincerest encouragement to you to seek help. Talk therapy can do wonders for people. I like group therapy. There are lots of blogs out there for different coping skills to be had if you don't care to go the medication route. I also like to participate in a meditation group once a week. And seriously, use your blog to get your feelings out! This feels like a fairly intimate affair here and no one is judging you. We all enjoy your travels and the cultural differences (I could laugh all day long at Engrish), but we realize you're human going through a very human experience. You don't have to soldier through things alone. I can't offer a whole lot, but I will listen (read?) and offer encouragement where I can.
DeleteThat looks awesome, what a beautiful spot! I'm going to go ahead and say that it's possible to really not like where you live for even longer than 2 years. We spent two years in WA, and while it wasn't AWFUL, it was hard, and I couldn't wait to get back to AR. I even gave it a really great go of things. And Jami, she keeps leaving and popping back. Grand adventures are great, but there's at least a security in knowing where you get to settle back to. We haven't really talked about it with anyone, but we're trying to decide if we should try another one year stint back to WA. My brother got stationed an hour from my parents and it might be the only time in our adulthood that our whole family lives within 10 hours of each other. Just thinking about it makes me want to throw up, but there are also some really attractive parts of it too. Bah, anyways. I'm just prattling. Arkansas is still here for you when you can come back to her :) Plus, you and I are interacting more than ever, so, that's a plus!
ReplyDeleteIt really was! Thanks for the empathy. Yeah, I remember that WA was not exactly wonderful for you guys. Even if you give it another shot, I'm thankful you've found someplace you're glad to call home. I want to say I admire your zest for life, but that's just too tacky but oh well I did. And I do.
DeleteHey Sally! Glad to see you're having some adventures there. Hope the immersion is giving you some satisfaction, fun and challenges. :)
ReplyDeleteChallenges, for shizzle. Fun, well, you've basically just seen it. But I'm going to Kyoto soon, so woo! Sorry I didn't answer your FB message, but I feel kind of ashamed talking about how miserable I am here. Trying to stay positive though. Thanks for staying in touch!
DeleteAs the girl who has never lived outside Benton County and probably won't...well, I can imagine trying to get acclimated to a new place, but can't say that I really understand. However. I know you (and your reticence) well enough to be glad for the tone of this post. I am glad you had a sunshiny spot in an otherwise darkish time. But as your friend who has also struggled with real, true depression, I do empathize with that. It is not an easy road to travel, and it's so much harder trying to go it alone. But March will be here soon--think we can do some rafting? Do you think we could convince my MOM to raft? She did go tandem parasailing with me once...
ReplyDeleteAnd on a personal note that made me smile, I was reading your post while Sophie looked at the pictures. I told her Auntie Sally was having fun and riding the boat on the river. She said "Yay, Say-ye!" and pointed to you in the group picture. Then she told me you had ears. So, congrats on having ears.